Ah, the “Madden curse.” Every year, it’s the same story. But even though the media usually blows it out of proportion, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t played a video game since I got my driver’s license, every year it still seems to strike again.
When Donovan McNabb got the cover of the Madden NFL video game, he ended up needing season-ending surgery. When Brett Favre got the cover, he got traded to the Jets. Shaun Alexander had his touchdown record broken, Vince Young lost his starting job, and Mike Vick…Well, why don’t you ask Coastal Point social media strategist and avid animal-activist Brandi Mellinger about what happened to Mike Vick after he landed the Madden cover…
While it remains to be seen whether Odell Beckham Jr. (the guy who made that ridiculous catch against the Cowboys) will suffer some awful injury, lose his job or start an illegal dog-fighting ring, I’m still maintaining that there’re worse curses out there for Madden’s latest poster boy.
(5) The Curse of the Bambino
Whether you’re a Red Sox fan, a Yankees fan, or even if you’re just a fan of that one Jimmy Fallon movie (there’s literally only one of them), then you know about “The Curse of the Bambino.”
There’s really no point in me even explaining to you that, once the Red Sox sold Babe Ruth, the name now synonymous with former great American pastimes, like baseball, and current American pastimes, like candy bars and diabetes, that they were “cursed” until Fallon’s agent finally convinced Hollywood that he could successfully carry a storyline and the Sox finally won a World Series some 86 years later.
His agent was clearly wrong, but I think we can all agree that depending on Jimmy Fallon to lift an 86-year curse would be far less preferable than any of previous Madden Curse outcomes.
(4) The Curse of the Billy Goat
While the Red Sox were cursed by the GOAT (Greatest of All Time), the Cubs were cursed by a goat (you know, just like… an actual goat).
It all started when a guy named Billy Sianis brought a goat (you know, just like… an actual goat) into Wrigley Stadium during the 1945 World Series. Sianis and his goat would soon be asked to leave, on account of the goat smell and all, and the Cubs would end up losing the series to the Tigers.
Coincidence? Maybe. But as the legend goes, before he got the boot, Sianis allegedly said: Them Cubs… they ain’t gonna win no more,” on his way out of the stadium.
While “them Cubs ain’t won” a pennant since, and his use of the King’s English was questionable at best, Sianis was still able to appreciate irony — apparently writing the franchise after they had lost the series and asking, “Who stinks now?”
Cubs’ fans have since tried to lift the curse, going as far as sending severed goat heads to Wrigley Field, so I don’t think I’m wrong in saying that suffering from “The Curse of the Billy Goat” would really stink…
(3) The Curse of James Dean’s Porsche
James Dean and I have a lot in common — including curses. Not only are we both phenomenal actors (see “Rebel Without a Cause” and local commercial spots for various Delmarva businesses), but we’re also both incredibly handsome — which, let’s face it, can sometimes be a curse.
One curse we don’t share, however, is the curse of James Dean’s Porsche.
First, the 1955 Porsche 550 Spyder, nicknamed “Little Bastard,” caused Dean’s death when he crashed it Cholame, Calif. Then, after the wreckage was sold to a garage, it fell on one of the mechanics and broke both of his legs. But Little Bastard wasn’t finished there. Its parts were then sold and found their way to cars driven by Troy McHenry and William Eschrid at a race at the Panoma Fair Grounds in 1956. McHenry hit a tree and died. Eshcrid flipped his car and suffered serious injuries.
With that curse looming, I’d hope that if Beckham ever wins a Super Bowl MVP and they try to give him a Porsche, he drives his own car to Disney World instead.
(2) The Curse of the Black Pearl
If Odell Beckham Jr. ever leaves MetLife Stadium and sees “a ship with black sails that’s crewed by the damned and captained by a man so evil that hell itself spat him back out,” making its way down the Hackensack River, he should run the opposite way that Johnny Depp does.
Because when it comes down to either getting traded to the Jets or getting captured by a cursed group of undead pirates, I’d choose Gang Green over Black Pearl every time — even when Rex Ryan was at the helm.
(1) The Curse of the 27 Club
I first found out about this one when my buddy Logan was about to turn the big two-seven. Since Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Kurt Cobain had all died when they turned 27, he feared that he would suffer a similar fate.
After having given up drumming in high school, I’m not sure why he likened himself to some of the greatest musicians in history, but even though he ended up making it to 28, this curse is the real deal.
At only 22, Beckham has a few more years before he has to worry about this one, but if that catch against the Cowboys is any indicator, he should probably be more wary of the “27 Club” than Logan was.
So, there you have it — vindictive farm animals, cursed sports cars, undead pirates and Jimmy Fallon with a lead role in romantic comedy movies. With all those terrifying scenarios stacked up like that, I think we can all agree that, when it comes to curses, Odell Beckham Jr. could certainly have it worse…